It’s a Man’s World
This writing is mostly through the lens of female verus male comparison due to that being my best understanding of the experience.
This week, I have been reflecting on straight, white males. What it must be like for them to walk through this world. To live in a society governed completely by the ideals of your own kind, a culture that was built on the foundational belief that there is no other above a white man. A culture designed to remind them of their worthiness around every corner. What it would feel like to be the only demographic of which “innocent until proven guilty” applies to.
I do not fault them entirely because they did not ask to be born into this world this way. I do not hold resentment for each individual man for how he reaps the benefits day in and day out, but, I do fault those white men who have not acknowledged the privilege they have been given. Who, cannot understand that though they did not choose this, it is still their responsibility to help rectify it. I am in awe of their ignorance. Or, maybe awe really isn’t the right word. I am bewildered? Shocked? Trying to fathom how different their experiences are? Looking up from the trenches (and I am a white female so I acknowledge I am only a few trenches below, with endless layers stretching below me), but nevertheless, looking up from the trenches, where we all push against each other to fight for equality, to give ourselves the leg up, where I am forced to use my breath to demand I am a self not an object, I can’t help but feel we have been fucking bamboozled.
How is it not an obvious, widely accepted notion that this ideology must change? How does our government still reflect the idolization of a white male? How is every person in the board room, at the top, every decision maker still a white male? Why is every letter addressed from a couple, Mr. And Mrs. Adam Smith? Why, when my mother makes a reservation is it put in my father’s name? Why does the insurance company assume that the husband holds the policy? Why are my rights still a topic of conversation?* How does no one notice? And I know that is me being a little unfair, people have noticed, but nothing has changed. And then there is the, “well, somethings have changed,” the, “now this percentage of CEOs are female,” or “there are more women in the government now than ever before,” but please stop fucking asking me to be okay with the scraps. Please stop painting me as ungrateful as you hand me the bone licked clean, meat hanging from your teeth. I will not be satiated by the starvation you forced upon the generations before me. And while I honestly believe yes, women should rule the entire world. They should occupy every seat of power and decision making, every law maker and business owner, (I believe the world would run more peacefully, more efficiently, more kindly, people would be more accepting, and vulnerability being used as strength more commonplace,) all we are asking for is equality. And I am just at a loss as to why that is such a hard concept to grasp. Which brings me back to exploring what it is to experience this world as a white man.
To the idea that being born a white man creates a lack of reckonings that every other demographic is forced to undergo as a part of this society. A series of reckonings that force a shift of perspective, that build strength within sense of self, empathy for the experience of others, an understanding of what it means to be told “no.” And because white men live in a world that bends to their needs, it creates a fragility within the demographic. It creates an intense fear when there is someone bold enough to threaten what they have decided is their God given right. It results in retaliation, harshness, an inability to understand a situation as a whole, an inability to consider there is more than one correct solution. It is not only a disservice to society, but a disservice to the white man himself. Imagine how many artists, creators, writers, and performers we are missing out on as a culture because of the plush environment we create for the white male through our own sacrificial nature. Imagine the potential that lies untouched in each man left unbothered within his comfort zone. Every “yes”, a death of inspiration.
It is as infuriating as it is interesting. I am fighting day in and day out to be able to live within the space that lies between being a silly little girl and a body you want to fuck. I am heartbroken that we are unable to use emotion as a strength due to the fact that we live within a society that shuns the intersection of feeling and power. That allows no humanity in our definition of success. I’m desperate for a better future for myself, for my daughters, for any person of color, any person within LGBTQ+, for any demographic that is forced to lie on the outside of this society. I want to believe so badly that it is possible and things can change and it won’t always be like this, but I am not hopeful. They are not listening to us, and I am so sick of being underestimated.
* As a side note, don’t even get me started on women’s health and rights within healthcare decisions. Like genuinely C’mon. They’re not even trying to pretend they see women as human beings with this one. You want to talk about being so delusional that you believe you’re so special that you have a God given right to make decisions on a topic that has actually not one thing to do with you. That men are pretentious enough to believe that they should have any role in deciding whether or not I am able to be given birth control, or have an abortion, or any myriad of other topics. Did you know when you google what percentage of women’s health research is funded by the government the answer is 10.7%. While, when you search what percentage of men’s health research is funded by the government there is no clear answer because as a society men’s health is just health. Women’s health has to be clarified as such because we are an exception, while men’s health, or simply healthcare, is the teet from which we are only allowed to drink from once each man’s stomach has been filled, and we are expected to be thankful for the remaining drops. I sometimes honestly don’t know how we wake up each morning and go to work and live our lives within a society where all these facts exist as truths. It is suffocating when you begin to really dive into it, and I know it is uncomfortable as we start to really examine all the inequalities, but you should feel angry. The discomfort is where we must live to receive the message anger is trying to tell us. The wrongedness that is trying to be conveyed. We must throw ourselves out of the nest and roost within the areas that want to send us running. To look at the parts that scare us the most.
