The Shedding

The only way I can explain it is a sheep being sheared, brought into this new season, Light.

The heaviness falling off in chunks from my skin. Realizing my freedom to choose and acting on the ability are two total separate beings. The latter teaching me what it means to be human, the layers to being,

And it did not feel good. There was no relief in the decision, no validation in the feeling. No one way to ensure, you’re doing the right thing. Because even the right thing feels hard. It feels raw, and terrifying, and it is when you are cutting the ties of the darkness you know, that you question yourself the most. No matter the healing, the time and preparation, the arms of the old darkness start to resemble a sweet black velvet, a deceiving place to rest my head, a safeness in the familiarity.

But it is the knowing, The One Who Knows, the awareness pulsing through my veins, that holds me back, that demands pause, that tells me,

You are too good for that

You deserve more than you once accepted

Would you want this for your children?

Would you want this for your mother?

Would your mother want this for you?

And I turn, into the fear, my woman warrior, my frontline of defense promising to protect me always. Synergistic with my strength of knowing, my cabinet, my round table, the balance,

Into her, The fear, but the right kind, and away from the perceiving,

One step towards La Que Sabe,

Carrying the bones I have collected along the way,

Onward, onward, onward.