Questions to Ask on the First Date

I want to be loved for my darkness even more so than for my light.

I want my heaviness to pour out of me into the arms of my lover without apprehension,

Not for it is their weight to carry,

But for their understanding to be had.

So that we may be truly intertwined,

So that they may know the depths and caverns which I once feared.

So they can trace the fingerprints I left on the parts of me that survived my own reckoning, 

The parts marked worthy in the massacre,

To know the layer in which love must exist lies this world and the next,

I do not want to share my light with others until I deem them worthy of my darkness,

Here are my fears on a silver platter,

Delicately placed with love,

Do you think they will nourish your soul as they have mine?

Are you willing to try?

I want you to see me in my savage state,

Raw in being,

Stripped down to the fetal core

I am asking for sweetness, for gentleness, for understanding,

Not without my (our) complexities

Hardship, sadness, pain, fear, terror,

But because of them.

I want so deeply to open, 

Not to the world completely,

But to you. 

To bloom,

To feel (earned) trust pulsing through our shared heartbeat and to unravel at the touch of your fingertips,

At the touch of your words on my skin, I want my soul to erupt into flames equal to those fueled by the knowing of my self,

I want you to bite into an onion as if it were the orange we shared last Tuesday and savor the tears as they fall from my face

I want you to swim in my depths, splashing the darkness onto the shore,

The barrier where I end and you begin

The grains of our being becoming one within the sand.

I want to nail my hands onto the cross and offer crucification without question of my safety,

The knowing that I will never be left to perish when I’m in your arms

I want to stand on the edge, teetering, with laughter, as your hands dig firmly into my hips,

Their impression lasting long after the release.

There is no me without my darkness

There is no us without your understanding

Undress me

Strip me bare

Hold my soul in your hands

Forget every light you’ve ever seen in me

Cherish the mess

Are you able?

Are you willing?

Will you shave your teeth to adequately rip into the dark meat?

Does your strength allow you to?

And when you have finished ravaging the feast that is my reckoning,

Shall I, now, be seated for your show?